A Dream Come True

“Once upon a time, mama and papa wished upon a distant star. They didn’t know if they would get their wish, the chances seemed rather far. They asked God for a little one, to cuddle and hold tight, To love and squeeze and give a gentle kiss goodnight. Well, God was listening and the answer came straight from the blue. Not only did they get their little one, God saw fit to give them two.” -Anonymous 

It has been a while since I posted on my blog for a good cause.

I am coming back to do my last blog entry as we have already welcomed our twin boys last year, 30 April 2020. Yes, they came to this world earlier than our due date of 17 June 2020. This is also the reason why I am only updating now.

Anyway, below is our precious little twin boys and our birth story: (copy pasted from my FB account)

"For this child we have prayed and the Lord has granted the desires of our hearts." - 1 Samuel 1:27

our twin boys is out at 33W1D last 30 April 2020 at 9:35 PM for Santino Nathaniel (4lbs 6oz) and 9:37 PM for Randel Theodore (4lbs 3oz). they were out early coz of Randel’s reversing flow of amniotic fluid on his umbilical cord which if not taken care right away can result to still birth. we were just in the hospital for our usual biophysical profiling ultrasound when i was sent right away to labor and delivery to receive a 4-hr magnesium sulfate for our twins to prevent injury to their brains while we go on preterm labor via c-section. it was a disheartening event all because of my pre eclampsia but at the same time our most happiest day of our lives came through when we finally saw and hold our most awaited gifts from God, our twin boys.

we went on early labor coz of Randel but Santino was the one who was put on cpap machine (oxygen) coz he forgets to breath (apnea) sometimes and taught he is still on my belly breathing for him. our brave boy, however, is a fighter too and since yesterday he was out of his machine. Randel is called the superstar at NICU coz he was really ready to come out at 33W1D and is like a full term baby. twins are doing well now at NICU and we get to snuggle them both anytime we wanted.

to our precious little ones, you came out to this world not the way we wanted it to be especially that we have this global pandemic but we have you now and that is all that matters to us. we know that we have left you before to your first babysitter, your embryologist at Conceptia Clinic, and that, we have to leave you again for 3-5 weeks with your nurses and doctors at NICU until you reach full term weeks but we promise this will be the last time we will do this. we will have a lifetime to love, care, pamper and spoil (a little) you both to forever. mama and papa loves you both so much.

Being parents to preemie babies (and to twins) is disheartening especially with the onset of Covid19 but we are happy we survived them.

So, why did we named them Santino Nathaniel and Randel Theodore. Here is why:

SANTINO NATHANIEL. Everyone knows how special and dear my dad is to me, thus, SANTINO may mean little saint or sacred in Latin but the name actually came from my Father's name Santiago less the other "A" and "G" plus another "N". I am not his Jr., only his female version, so I cannot use his name and, also, I am now Mrs. Ramos and I believe a Salvador (my maiden name) must use the Santiago coz he will be Santiago IV. Thanks to my sister for suggesting the name SANTINO to us. NATHANIEL, on the other hand, means gift from God in Hebrew. 

RANDEL THEODORE. You have seen me always using "for little R" in all of my blogs, hashtags and everything that is involving our child. The R does not really mean Ronnel nor Ramos but is my big bro's name RANDEL whom we lost on Christmas day in 2010 due to Acute pancreatitis to which I promised myself I will use his name one day. THEODORE also means gift from God in Hebrew.

Our sons’ names are as special as they are coz they're both using my dad and brother' name, my 2 angels in heaven. We have prayed for a child for 11 years but God gave us 2 miracle rainbow babies instead of 1. Our gift from our heavenly Father for patiently waiting and not giving up on our dream of becoming parents.

Our little boys, our Bulogs as we fondly call them, are now almost 14 months. I am happy to share the faces behind this beautiful story created by our dear Father God. Below is some pictures when they turn 1, and, yes, that's us. Introducing to you my little beautiful family.

I hope and pray that at some point I have helped someone on our trying to conceive (TTC) ordeal. Remember to not lose hope, ours is 11 years in the making and 12 years before we finally hold them in our arms. It was a never easy journey but, in God's most precious perfect time, you will understand why you have to go all these ordeal.

From this once infertile mama I am happy signing off with our TTC blog happy, contented and complete.

We Are Pregnant With Twins

You read the title of this post right. We are pregnant and on our 3rd trimester of our pregnancy. This is the reason why I have not been updating my blog because I am enjoying every second of our pregnancy.

While on 2 week wait, I told myself I will not test this time and wait for my beta HCG instead for fear that ... oh, never mind. However, I gave in based on the illustration below, I tested at 5DP5DT and got a 2nd line in 2 minutes window. The line is not faint so no need to squint, turn the test around or put it in to a light to see it coz it is there (my photo below just did not give justice on it). I cried and run unto my husband to show the first ever darkest line that we ever had in our TTC journey. We’re happy but at the same time scared coz the line should go darker in a day right and not lighter like we had last year which resulted in a chemical pregnancy. However, my 6DP5DT test shows a more darker line than yesterday.

From then on, I peed every morning on a stick until 9DP5DT and we are beyond happy that all of our HPTs are getting darker each day. I also tried using a digital test at 10DP5DT and we can't believe we are pregnant at 2-3 weeks.

God is truly amazing, our beta HCG which I did last 11 and 17 October 2019 also came back positive with a whooping promising numbers of 880 and 5,884. We are so pregnant and there is so much tears of joy flowing in our home.

God finally saw us and blessed us with the desire of our hearts...to become parents with not 1 but with 2 rainbow babies to love, care and pamper for the rest of our lives. Below is our diploma from Conceptia Clinic showing 2 sac and 2 fetus in our 6 November 2019 ultrasound. This is also our last day with them as we finally, finally graduate with infertility. I am also attaching our total expenses for our 2nd round of IVF with ICSI and TESA.

TOTAL EXPENSES FOR OUR 2ND ROUND OF IVF WITH ICSI AND TESA CAD13,385.21 

Below is our pregnancy announcement on our social media accounts last 7 November 2019.

“I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born, says the Lord.” -Isaiah 66:9

The pain and tears we have gone through last year will not go in vain, our little ones in heaven came back and we are so beyond happy to finally reveal our little secret and shout to the whole wide world...WE ARE PREGNANT.

It took us 4,015 days; numerous clomid cycles, fertility drugs, supplements and vitamins; 5 RE doctors and Fertility Clinics; 1 change of country; almost 200 Canadian needles; 2 surgeries for Ronnel; 2 HSGs and countless TVUs for me; 1 biopsy: 1 MRI; 2 artificial insemination; 2 Egg Retrievals; 2 IVF with ICSI; 2 Fresh Embryo Transfers; 1 Chemical Pregnancy; and 1 Amazing God to show the world that miracles do really exist by never giving up on your dream. We have cried, fought, prayed and waited for this day to come and finally God has blessed us not only with 1 but 2 rainbow babies to love, care and pamper for the rest of our lives. He has given us TWINS to fulfill our hearts desire of becoming parents to little Rs. Yes, we are expecting a double blessing and we saw their hearts flicker during our first scan.

Infertility has taught us to become the toughest fighter alive and has brought us closer together as husband and wife. It has taught us to never give up hope. If we fail, stumble and fall in our procedures, we learned to stand back up together us a married couple. Sometimes it will take us longer but we still stand up and keeps on fighting for our ultimate dream of becoming parents. Through our 11 years ordeal with infertility, Ronnel and I stand together by FAITH, HOPE and PATIENCE that someday, somehow God will see us through and He did, not in our time but, in His most precious perfect time. All glory and praise belongs to our Almighty God.

We wanted to thank our respective parents, siblings, nephews and nieces for being with us and praying for us since day 1 of our TTC journey. To my mom (and dad) for always crying with me, listening and advising me on my struggles. To my dad, it saddens me that I will never witness you cuddle and pamper our babies but I know too that it was you and Ran who made all these possible by helping us appeal to our dear Father God. Thank you families; our closest friends here and overseas; some co-workers; our respective supervisors for your prayers, support, happiness and most especially for keeping our little secret, also to L_____ S__ Photograhy for capturing this precious wonderful moment of our married life.

To my TTC community, my sisters here and around the world, you were my strongest virtual support system for the past 11 years. Thank you for always, always, always being there for me in our ups and downs when most of us are struggling in our own infertility journey. To those who are still waiting, please know we will keep on praying for your little miracle, just hang in there and never give up hope no matter what the emotional attack is because my husband and I waited for 11 years and we are both turning 40 before 2019 ends but i tell you every pain, procedures, needles, sadness and depressions we experienced, everything will all be worth it at the end because God sees our pain and He will provide. We are one of the living proof that God can move mountains and works miracles in His time.

To our Conceptia Team, it was a bittersweet day to bid goodbye to all of you during our first ultrasound but please know how grateful we are with all the care you have given us for the past 2 years and for being God’s instrument for us to achieve this pregnancy. We will surely visit you next year with our twins. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
To our little rainbow babies, please know you are both so much loved already and we can’t wait to see and hold you in our arms. You are our greatest miracle and blessing from up above...made with love, patience, hope, faith and a little bit of science. We know we still have a long way to go but through prayers and God’s guidance we will get by the ups and downs of these 7 remaining months of waiting.

Thank you for reading families, relatives and friends. I wanted this pregnancy announcement to be short as it can be but this is the shortest that an overly overwhelmed mama to be can do. Thank you in advance for your love, support, happiness and prayers. Please be with us in prayers as we hurddle yet another 7 months of our pregnancy.

On 2 February 2020, we did our Gender Reveal Party and our little miracles sent from above are 2 fraternal rainbow baby boys.

From infertility to fertile couple, thank you dear Father God. All glory and praise belong to our Almighty God.

IVF Round 2

I finally found the time to sit down and update our TTC journey on our IVF Round 2.

A lot has happened before we did our IVF Round 2 last 30 September 2019. In my last post, I mentioned that DH underwent a SCSA DNA fragmentation test in 2018 to which it came back above the normal range of 24%, 31% to be exact. So, our clinic referred my DH to a Urologist where he underwent TESA surgery on September 2018, see below illustration. They collected 2 vials of his sperm and were put to freeze by our clinic for us to use with our 2nd round of IVF with ICSI.

After our chemical pregnancy in April 2018, we were supposed to repeat our IVF/ICSI procedure last November 2018 but had to terminate it because of my dad's passing in 25 October 2018. On January 2019, we were hoping to do our IVF/ICSI again but our Clinic have to do numerous tests on me and give additional medicines because of my border to high cholesterol, insulin and prolactin levels. When I finally passed my cholesterol and insulin levels (pending an MRI procedure to check a tumor under my brain), we were given a go signal to do IVF/ICSI in April, but my mom underwent a triple bypass operation and have to cancel our procedure again. Thankfully, my mom's operation is a success.

In July of 2019, DH and I decided to do a round of artificial insemination (IUI) while putting back all our sanity together. Too much had happened and I can't go directly to IVF/ICSI if I am not ready yet plus we did a TESA procedure which is a new one for us and it might, well, work. Sadly, it did not so IVF/ICSI it is but before doing so I underwent a MRI procedure to check if I have a tumor below my brain which is causing my prolactin to go up and down to which I did not.

Thus, in August 2019, I started taking my birth control pills and we went directly to our  short protocol stimulations for our IVF/ICSI/TESA. Below is our IVF/ICSI/TESA calendar:

We did our Egg Retrieval Day on 28 September 2018 where the Clinic retrieved 11 eggs, 7 of them fertilized naturally. On Day 3 we had 5 embryos at Grade 2 and 2 at Grade 3. I honestly don't know how the grading is but Grade 2 on my understanding is that our embryos divided 3-8 cells while Grade 3 9-10 cells. We were then scheduled for our Transfer Day on 30 September 2018 since our embryos are doing well on Day 3. 

We did our Fresh Transfer on Day 5 of our embryos. DH and I decided to transfer 2 embabies again with a much better quality this time: 1 BA and 1 AA embryos:

Then the dreadful 2 week wait. See below how the embryos develop inside my uterus.

As, we wait for the 2 weeks period, I have been listening to nursery rhymes again (just like our 1st IVF round) plus I have been eating brazil nuts, promegranate and pineapple core everyday to help our embabies stick on my uterus.

Our IVF round 2 is a journey to 64 stims of puregon, luveris, suprefact and 1 shot of ovidrel plus 11 bloodworks which totals to 76 needles; and a lot of oral supplements and fertility drugs which comes down to a more good quality of 4AA and 4BA embabies on board mama’s womb. We have 2 3BBs on our first try and like last year none of our 5 embryos made it to freeze and were arrested “again” on day 6 but we cling unto hope with what we have now and believe this time we’re pregnant through God’s grace.

Every night when I pray, I only asked our Father God to grant us even 1 child and that I always tell Him that I honestly do not know now how to pray but for Him to look in our hearts and in our tears that all we ever wanted is to become parents...and that He eventually blessed us with our child. There is a lot of anxiety and fear that DH and I have felt on our 2nd round of IVF, especially coming from a chemical pregnancy, but deep inside our hearts we have hope and faith that He will eventually see us through.

IVF Loss

I never knew pain can tear you apart but it happened to us. For almost 10 long years, we've waited for 2 lines on a pregnancy test, get pregnant and for the first time we did yet only for a moment. We carried them for a moment but leaves us their love which forever will be locked in our hearts. Getting back up is never easy and we're thankful to true friends, TTC sisters and most especially our family for understanding and respecting the pain we are going through. Picking ourselves up despite being heartbroken is not easy but we have to because we want to even if we have to do it all over again. Our loss has not defined us but it certainly changed us...(IG posted April 26)

For a time, our life stopped evolving and all we felt is a knife in our hearts on this very unfortunate event of our married lives. At first we were beyond happy and excited with all the baby steps we have had on our first IVF cycle.

I am a very impatient person and the two weeks wait (2WW) is just really a pain for me and so on my 6DP5DT, I gave in at 2:00 AM. This stubborn me secretly wake up in the morning, without telling her DH, and peed on a pregnancy test. Oh my God, for the first time in almost 10 years of trying to battle infertility, I saw a very faint second line on my pregnancy test. Still not believing, because just maybe my eyes are playing games on me, I went to bed worried, excited, oh, I don't know. I just sleep again but I can't anymore.

I wanted to try another test before telling DH I tested but since I am not used to lying on him I told him I tested and advised him to go look at my pregnancy test which I left at the washroom. He came back telling me he is seeing the second faint line too. I told him, according to what I am reading, this will get darker everyday to confirm pregnancy. And so, I tested again on my 7DP5DT and still came with a faint line.

I tested again on my 8DP5DT and 9DP5DT but both came with a second faint line on its 3-5 minutes window. I did not take picture of the two because I am scared and worried at that time. The happiness on 6DP5DT pregnancy test that I did slowly turns into agony because according to what I have read the second line must be darker everyday but if its showing faint lines then I may be suffering from a chemical pregnancy. I know I am not helping myself and so I stop testing and waited for my beta HCG which my Clinic requested. My sister even told me that even she has faint lines on her 2 pregnancies and that I stop worrying.

But then came the most painful part of our lives when the Clinic called and confirmed through my beta HCG the inevitable. We are at work when they called. I was trying my very best not to cry but I cannot bear the pain of losing our little ones and I kept crying on my work station. My DH has no choice at that time but to ask our supervisor that I'll be excused from work. The moment we reached our car, I cried so hard. I cried and cried at home. How can my body tricked me when all I have waited is a second line on my pregnancy test. We never had that but how come it is still not enough having 2 lines for 4 consecutive days. My nurse told me it is because of the ovidrel medication that I took. But that was 2 weeks lapse before I did my pregnancy tests.

I am so down. I cried for days that even my DH can no longer pacify me. I texted my parents with the sad news and tried calling them just to have someone to talk to but our signals are not cooperating. My mom texted me back and told me to be strong...but HOW??? I called my sister in Dubai and cried and cried with her over the phone. She told me that for as long as my period is still not showing, there is still hope. I tried reading on positive pregnancy tests and negative beta HCG and some end up having a miracle baby. I still have unexplained symptoms which I never felt before and so I cling unto them.

My clinic told me to stop all my medications so I can bleed naturally. On my day 30, before I went to sleep, I ask my DH I wanted our babies' iPod. I prayed and talked to them after 2 days of not talking to them (which I usually do from day 1 they were on my womb). I told them that my blood test says negative and that if they are no longer there, I pray they come out and let me bleed naturally. They know mama is in real pain but I also hope that they will help me with my pain and not hold on just because they are still with me. I cried myself to sleep with our favourite nursery rhyme for bedtime. And when I woke up and went to pee, I saw 2 thick menstrual blood on the toilet bowl. I cried again that time which prompted my DH to come see me in the washroom. I showed him the 2 thick bloods. My little ones gave me a sweet gesture before they finally said goodbye to us. It pains us a lot but knowing they listened to my request for the last time means so much to me. How we miss and love them so much. I usually bleed for 3 days only but on this cycle I have had a heavy bleeding for 6 days.

Thought You'd be Here by Wes King

I know too that my DH is heartbroken with our loss but I told him through a song that I know I cannot do anything with the pain he is going through because we are both devastated but I assure him of my love and that I am with him despite all the pain we are going through. I told him that the lyrics of the song is what exactly I wanted to tell him but cannot because I am mending my broken heart too. We cried and cried but still is not enough.

Just Running Late by Michael Taylorson

The 2 songs became my new nursery rhymes. I played them at work. I played them almost everyday because I wanted to overcome my pain through the songs but I know too this sad experience is different from any of my down moments.

I called my parents a week after the bad news. My DH did too to his. I never saw them so sad seeing me on this very unfortunate event. The 3 of us were crying and all I heard from them is to be strong. They know they cannot take away my pain but they told me I was born a fighter and I need to be strong, stronger if I may but we should never give up. I just felt more pain talking to them because I made them cry but I know too this will not be over not unless I remove the knife on my chest.

Every night when I sleep, I ask God, will we ever have a child? When do we say "stop" and just go on with our lives childless? I even told my DH, I am open now to adoption, just for us to have a child. We actually did check adoption procedures here in New Brunswick but it will cost us  a minimum of CAD20,000 when we do it and the child will not be an infant but at age 12-18 years old. We can adopt an infant but in another province of Canada or international and this will take 4 or more years.

In my mind, I do not want to do IVF again. I am so traumatized with our loss and I don't want to experience the pain all over again. I feel that my body has suffered so much with all the procedures, injections and medications that I went through for the past 10 years and I honestly cannot do it anymore. My DH told me, if I cannot do it again, he'll respect it but he hopes I find the will again to try one more shot. Even our parents and my sister told us to try again. My sister even offered to be a surrogate mom if worst comes to worst or even get pregnant for us and will adopt her baby. 

This gives me hope but I still pray for healing and acceptance as of this writing so I can find the will to do it again with all my heart. DH said, we can never bring them back but we have to cling on them as our angel babies that someday, one of them will come back when we do IVF again and be our little R. I know in my heart, I still wanted a child, its just that I am so scared of getting hurt again for the same reason but I know I will...somewhere inside me says I will and I can. I just know I have to go through the process of healing through God's grace. It is all what I am praying all night, that He heals me and trust the process even if I do not understand it.

We actually went back to the clinic last 11 May 2018 to know what happen and to plan for our next IVF. I requested for an immunology testing just to be sure I am not rejecting our embryo. I have a history on my fractured arm where they put braces on it but was removed after a year because my body is not accepting it and that I am still prone to infection. I am so delighted that my doctor knows what I am talking about and so on 14 May 2018, I did a complete repeat miscarriage test (RMT)  and a chromosome test (CT) for the both of us. The clinic took almost 20 vials of my blood for my RMT and 2 vials each for me and DH for our CT. I am scheduled for a hysteroscopy or biopsy of the lining of my uterus on the 28th day of May 2018. DH, on the other hand, had a SCSA DNA fragmentation test. All of these, except for my procedure, were sent to the US for testing and we shall wait for 3 months for all the results to come in before doing our second round of IVF. Enough time for us to be emotionally ready through God's grace.

DH and I had our first family picture framed and he bought me an urn necklace of a mother and child. We know we cannot put any ashes on them but only for their memory and that we know they will always be a part of us. The necklace came on Mother's Day.

To my angel babies in heaven, please know that you are terribly loved and missed by us. Nothing will ever change that you made me a mama and most especially made us parents in those few weeks we carried you. Your Tito Randel is surely taking good care of you both. When we do IVF again, please be with us and guide us in our journey.

We love you both before we knew you, even when there was just hope for the both of you, we have loved you. It has been my greatest experience to have the chance to carry you for 3 weeks and it was the happiest days of our marriage. Letting go and accepting we lost you will never be easy but we pray we overcome this pain and heal. Healing is all we need to stand and try again, we never knew we could miss someone we've never met but we do. mama and papa, loves you so much little ones. (IG posted April 8)

Transfer Day

*** I wrote this blog a week after our transfer but because of unfortunate event, I am posting this just now. ***

We have had our blastocyst fresh embryo transfer last 24 March 2018, my dad's 68th birthday, at 10:00 AM.

I was asked to stop all my medication on that day and to come to the Clinic with a full bladder. I was given an Ativan on that day prior to our transfer to relieve any anxiety. Oh, I needed that medicine, I was just so nervous, excited, teary eyed...I have had so many mixed emotions on that day.

Before going to the room, our embryologist and our nurse talked to us on our embryos. They told us that we only have 7 embryos left, the other 2 arrested and stopped growing. They went on to asked how many embryo/s to transfer. We thought from the beginning of our IVF cycle that we are only allowed to transfer one embryo because of my age, thus, the question of "how many" really comes to us as a surprise. We always wanted to have 2 children but because of infertility any number will do for the both of us. And so, on that little time we have had to decide, it was settled that we will transfer the 2 little cute embabies below. Also,one factor that helped us decide is that we have 5 more of our embryos to transfer just in case the inevitable happens.

They are so adorable. They are both strong at 3BB grade blastocyst even if the other one looks bigger because of its cavity. Our embryologist is even joking that the little one who is bigger is depicting a strong pose (just like mama, always ready for the camera, LOL).

My nurse then directed us to the same room where we did our retrieval. I was not put on IV or anything just the Ativan. With the help of an ultrasound probe which is placed on my abdomen, my doctor deposited our embabies on my uterus using a small transfer catheter as shown below:

I cried after our transfer. I could not contain my happiness at that very moment and so I cried. I am so happy I am carrying our little ones for the very first time. It feels so amazingly wonderful. We have waited for this moment for almost 10 years and on the 24th day of March 2018 we are leaving the Clinic with our little ones safely secured on mama's womb. God is really great. We are beyond happy.

Unfortunately, our Clinic called and told us that we no longer have any embryos for freezing. The 5 other embryos were arrested and stops growing on day 6. This has sadden us but we needed to put on a positive mind on our 2 embabies that we brought home and there is no way on that very moment can take the positivity on us despite the sad news.

DH and I opted to stay for 2 nights and 3 days in Moncton before we bring home our little ones home. I have known my DH to be very sweet and caring since day 1 of knowing him but throughout our IVF, he has been so extra sweet and caring. It's because he feels the same way too as I did.

Our first IVF will be over and done only if we hear heartbeats. Yeah, that is infertility, some couple will be happily announcing pregnancy if they have a positive pregnancy but ours is different. A heartbeat is all we need. So, on same day, even if I know I have a very good triple lining at more than 10 I started eating pineapple cores, avocados and hard boiled eggs to help our little ones stick on mama's womb and lots of soup viands. Oh, don't forget to wear socks. My friend google told me embabies wanted anything that is warm. Also, our daily music and movie from day 1 of our IVF cycle were replaced by nursery rhymes and cartoon and Disney movies.

As promised, below is our expenses on our first IVF cycle with ICSI. The medication is only at 20% which we paid and the other 80% is paid by our insurance.

TOTAL EXPENSES FOR OUR 1ST ROUND OF IVF WITH ICSI CAD14,107.47

We are not yet applying for New Brunswick's special assistance for infertility treatment as they will only assist for a maximum of CAD5,000.00 in the procedure and medication alone. If you add up the both of them on excel I provided above, it will only sum up to CAD9,639.77. A little short for the CAD5,000.00 assistance. Thus, the Clinic told us to wait for the result of this cycle but of course hoping for the best that our little ones stick.

My DH and I are very thankful we have come this far on our infertility journey through IVF with ICSI and that this memorable experience of bringing home our little ones home is the best of the best of all the wonderful blessings God has given us. We will not trade our happiness that we are feeling right now with anything. We prayed for them for so long. Our love for each other has been tested overtime because of our struggle to conceive but at this very moment we are beyond happy and grateful. Thank you dear Father God.

Retrieval Day

*** I wrote this blog a week after our transfer but because of unfortunate event, I am posting this just now. ***

After doing all our IVF stimulations to grow my follicles and produce more of them, it is time for the next step on our IVF cycle.

As written on my last blog post, we did our trigger shot last 17 March 2018 and stopped all my medications after that in preparation for our retrieval day which we did after two days.

On 19 March 2018, I was asked to take 1 tablet each of Medrol, Amoxil and Flagyl on an empty bladder and that we need to be at the Clinic at exactly 7:30 AM. My DH is allowed to accompany me, thus, we were then directed to a room with our lab gowns where the nurse gave me a tablet of Ativan. My nurse put me on IV and started administering oxygen and intravenous. A machine is on my side for monitoring of my blood pressure, pulse and oxygen level throughout the retrieval. I was then told that I was being injected, through IV, with Cefoxitine antibiotic, Versed for relaxation throughout retrieval and Fentanyl to help control the pain.

We started our retrieval at around 9:00 AM with my nurse, my embryologist, and my doctor. During our last scan, I have had 20 follicles on my ovaries. On retrieval day, my doctor collected all follicles on my left and right (yes, my right decided to fall for retrieval) ovaries and went directly to my embryologist who is the one counting (out loud, LOL) eggs on the follicles. We collected 10 eggs out of the 20 follicles. My nurse explains that inside the follicles, sometimes there will or will not be eggs on it. Thus, the number. DH and I were so happy with our eggs number.

After the retrieval, they transferred me in a room where I can sleep and recover from my procedure. That is the time where I felt all the drowsiness brought about by all the medications they gave me.

I am a little bit in pain because of the water on my ovaries. I have a mild OHSS caused by all the stimulations I did before retrieval. I was asked to drink lots of gatorade so as to help me pee and naturally remove the water on my ovaries. Also, orange juice to prevent infection. My nurse told me that if and when the water is still there on transfer day, the transfer may be cancelled and they have no choice but to freeze first our embryos and wait 2 months, at most, for my body to heal.

I slept for more than an hour in the recovery room. While I was asleep, my DH went on for his sperm collection. We are doing IVF with ICSI, thus, we went home super happy knowing and thinking our egg and sperm cells are meeting for the very first time not on the disc but directly with each other through ICSI just like the photo below:

Done with our retrieval. We went home with many medications in store for me such as Medrol, Amoxil, Flagyl and Aspirin. I have to start progesterone 2 days after retrieval. So many medications. What I did, I put everything on my alarm clock so it will just remind me to take this meds and that meds at this time. 

Anyway, we are not yet done, our IVF journey becomes harder as we level up and, yes, there will be more calls after that and this time it is not how many follicles are growing but the development of our embryos. I have had three calls from the clinic after retrieval:

Day 1: 9 Eggs were fertilized naturally

Day 2: 9 Eggs still growing with the below number of cells:

• 1 - 3 cells
• 4 - 4 cells
• 2 - 5 cells
• 2 - 6 cells

Day 3: 9 Eggs growing strong with the below number of cells:

• 1 - 5 cells
• 2- 6 cells
• 1 - 7 cells
• 3 - 8 cells
• 1 - 10 cells
• 1 - 15 cells

And since, our embryos our doing good in the lab, our clinic scheduled our transfer on Day 5 after retrieval. This is it, we are doing our embryo transfer, not on Day 3, but on a blastocyst stage of our embryos. We are beyond happy with all these baby steps we have accomplished. We are so thankful with our Father God for all the guidance He gave us in our very first IVF. We will not reached this far without Him by our side. Thank you dear Father God.

IVF Stimulations

So much had happened since the first week of March in our IVF journey. 

I have taken my last or 28th birth control pill last 5 March 2018. On same day, DH and I went to the Clinic for our injection teaching visit. I need to inject 3 fertility drugs (Suprefact, Luveris and Puregon) to myself, thus, the teaching visit.

On the same day, we signed all our IVF consent forms which was administered by our nurse where she gave us different kinds of needles to be use with my Suprefact, Luveris and Puregon.

Our baseline visit was supposed to be on 8 March 2018 but because of a snowstorm on said date, it was moved a day earlier to 7 March 2018.

So what did we do on baseline visit? Well, firstly, I did a transvaginal ultrasound (TVU) so they can check on my lining and my 2 ovaries. Lining and ovaries are both good except that my right is still on top. The Clinic advised me to always sleep on my right especially when I start my stimulations because oftentimes when the follicles are heavy, the ovary will fall down. The Clinic cannot retrieve on my right if my right is still on top on the day of retrieval and we really do not want that. The more eggs, the merrier.

Secondly, I did a bloodwork to check that all my hormones are all at par. No higher nor lower the required range. This went well too so the Clinic gave us a go signal to start our IVF cycle.

Thirdly, DH did his sperm collection for freezing where we paid CAD420.00. The Clinic has frozen 2 vials of DH's armies to be use as backup on retrieval day.

Fourthly, we were required to pay in full our IVF cycle round with ICSI for a total of CAD7,175.00 (less CAD500.00 downpayment). I will go through our IVF with ICSI expenses in the coming days.

Lastly, we went to the pharmacy to pick up my first batch of fertility medicines needed for my stimulations. The second picture under this is the second batch of my fertility medicines.

The nice thing that come up with my meds above is that my insurance paid 80% of my CAD3,328.32 meds. I so love working with UPS with all the benefits we have especially on medical because they have infertility coverage. UPS has also given us a room (a supervisor and EDA's room) to be use every 8:00 PM for my injections as shown below. We will always be thankful with UPS for all the support they have given me and my DH throughout our IVF cycle journey.

Yeah, we have been busy this month and either we are ready or not, bring on the needles. But, hey, I survived the needles for almost 2 weeks no matter how painful they were with the help of my nurse DH starting from 8 to 17 of March 2018.

I know I do not have a 6-pack abs nor a flat one but I sure know I toned them a little before we ever started our IVF cycle as shown below but read on and see what happens with my belly after all my stimulations, LOL.

In  a day, I need to have 6 injections because of my age. The Clinic thought I may not produce more eggs but with God's grace I responded too well in all my stimulations. I took these fertility medications at 8:00 AM and 8:00 PM each day for almost 2 weeks. 

Well, they underestimated this healthy 38 year old wanna be mama, LOL, coz on our first stim scan, my lining is at 7.5  (a triple line, yey) compared to baseline lining of 5.2. My left ovary produced 5 follicles with 20.1 mm biggest in size. My right ovary, 5 follicles, as well, with 15.88 mm biggest. We were so happy with these results at day 4 only of my injections especially DH seeing follicle scan for the very first time. My bloodwork, though, showed that my ovaries reacted earlier than expected on the puregon shots because my estrogen level is getting higher. And so from 13 to 17 of March 2018, we were required to go to the Clinic to do ultrasounds and bloodworks, except on 14 March where there is a blizzard.

On my second stim scan, I have an amazing lining of 9.5 (triple line) with 11 follicles. Largest sizes on my left is at 25.6mm and right is at 18.86mm. The Clinic told us that my 11 follicles are maturing which will result to an earlier retrieval and transfer day than previously scheduled. My bloodwork shows that I am a candidate of Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS) because of the increase in my estrogen level. Baseline visit only shows an estrogen of 175. On my first stim scan, estrogen went up to 3,500+. This second stim scan, we need only 800 but not over 10,000. However, bloodwork came out at 6,000+. Thus, the Clinic gave me the meds below, Dexamethasone, to balance my estrogen with my progesterone.

Third stim scan, I have a 9.96 lining with 13 follicles on board and they are all big. Also, my right ovary has fallen to its right position so there is a greater chance that they will retrieve on it. My bloodwork shows a 10,000+ estrogen level. Clinic, however, assures us that it is still good number for mild OHSS and it should not go beyond 15,000 until our last scan.

My final stim scan, 17 March 2018, I have a total of 20 follicles ready for retrieval. My estrogen level is at 11,265 and the Clinic had us stop all my stimulation injections on 18 March 2018. Oh, and I have had a very bloated belly button as a result of army injections. See below and compare it above, LOL. I look like pregnant already, giggling here.

With all the beautiful results above, we pulled the trigger on the night of 17 March 2018, the same day as our last scan and bloodwork.

I did 46 injections from my stimulations of Suprefact, Luveris, Puregon and the Ovidrel trigger shot; and 5 bloodworks. I received 51 needles and still counting as we go to the next stage of our IVF cycle journey.

DH and I are just beyond happy for all these baby steps Father God has given us. He knows how scared we are on this journey but He also sees how faithfully we have believed and hoped for the last 9 years. We are so looking forward to this cycle and we believe this is our most precious time God has given us. Claiming our miracle baby/ies in Jesus name, amen.