First IUI Failed

I am better now so I am taking this time to update my blog.

I had my third round of ovamit (clomid) last cycle and since we are to undergo intrauterine insemination (IUI), my OB gave me 2 shots of puregon and another 2 shots of pregnyl. It was also my first time to experience the so-called injectable fertility drugs. The shots were painful especially the pregnyl. Good thing is, my reproductive system responded on the injectables to which I produced 5 dominant follicles at a very early stage of CD14. My biggest dominant follicle measures at 2.9 x 2.5 x 2.4 cm and my smallest at 1.9 x 1.9 x 1.7 cm. Below is the result of my ultrasound last 24 May 2013.

I have had a very promising dominant follicles. On the same day, my OB injected on me 2 shots of pregnyl. She made it 2 shots because she wanted all of the 5 dominant follicles to rupture so we can have a higher chance of conceiving. Below is my beautiful dominant follicles.

4 dominant follicles on my right ovary and 1 on my left ovary

Thus, on 25 May 2013, we had our very first experience of the IUI or what they call artificial insemination. Both of us were very nervous. We had our sperm washing in the morning at 8:30 AM sharp at Victory Art Laboratory Phil., Inc. The collection of DHs semen is done at almost 9:00 AM. Afterwhich, we waited a very long hour of 3 hours, more or less, before we went to OBs clinic at MMC for the insemination of DHs sperms.

Little did we know that OB will tell us that we had a very few DHs sperms to be inseminated. I cannot see DHs face because I am there lying on the bed ready for the IUI procedure but I can feel from his breaths that he is not okay and so am I. I asked OB how many is the post washed sperms and she told us that it is only 120,000. I wanted to shout, really, but I told myself, we only need 1 strong sperm and that I have to focus because I will be carrying with me my egg cells and DHs sperm cells. As much as I wanted to cry, I have to stay focus. Below is DHs Sperm Washing Result.

The insemination is painful. It is like having my Hysterogram all over again. Our travel from Makati to Sta. Rosa, Laguna was a very painful one. We walked very slow because besides the fact that it is painful in the lower abdomen I am also afraid that the sperm cells will drop. I know it will not but I can't help but think that way. Although in pain, we manage to go to Lolo Uweng's Chapel and we prayed together. From CD1 of my cycle, DH and I were praying together. We had our 9-days novena of St. Pio and Sacred Heart of Jesus, after 9-days will start again from day 1 and so on and so forth. We also ate a lot of avocados during our IUI cycle because I have read somewhere that it will help in the ovulation and implantation process. I was on leave for 1 week after our IUI procedure. From 1dpiui to 7dpiui, I felt twinges on my abdomen, left, right and middle. Sometimes, back pain. So, in my week 1 of 2ww, I am in our bed, lying on my back, legs and butt elevated. 

On 10 June 2013, I received an email from 1 of my GT friends that her AF arrived. They had their IUI procedure 4 days after we had ours and they collected 9.5 Million post washed sperms and 4 dominant follicles but still they failed on 12dpiui. I told DH, no matter what the numbers is, if it is not yet God's will, it will come out negative. So, we prayed that even if we had only 120,000 post washed sperms, the result will come out positive. After all, miracles do come.

But it was not yet our time also because at 10:00 PM of 10 June 2013, I saw brownish discharge on my undies. I told myself, this one is only an implantation bleeding and it must be it. I told DH about it but still there is the "what ifs" and these "what ifs" made the 2 of us cry. We cried together and consoled each other. And I also heard DH telling me "I love you", he doesn't know but it eases my pain knowing he loves me still even if we are about to be broken.

I barely did not sleep. I was so anxious feeling if I am wet down there because I did not put napkin since I am hoping it is only an implantation bleeding. Then came the morning of 11 June 2013, I woke up early at 5:00 or 5:30 AM to pee and at the same time check myself. The ugly AF is right there in front of me. I woke up DH and told him I have my AF. He hugged me and my tears came falling down my cheeks for the second time. DH cried too. Good thing it was a holiday the next morning. We drink on the night of 11 June 2013 and cried our hearts out. It really is okay to sometimes sit down there and cry. Bring out all the pain. It is really heart breaking to fail even if we have leveled up on our work up but it is not yet God's will. What is important is to stand again and pick up ourselves then fight again.

DH and I will have a rest this cycle. We will workout on his count first before we do another try of the IUI. As what DH told me, we started on this TTC ordeal together, what we can do is carry on and finish this ordeal together until we come out as winners. Just DH and me together, nothing is impossible. We know God is feeling our pain, our want to have a child, and eventually, in His most precious perfect time, He will grant us the grace of blessing us with our own child.

We may have failed on our first try of IUI after 16dpiui, the process may have caused us so much pain ... but we will never give up. We will cry and feel the pain today but tomorrow, like in our so many failed cycles, we will both stand up and fight again.