IVF It Is

We now have a concrete plan on our infertility journey.

It was last 27 September 2017 when our infertility doctor revealed his plan for me and my husband. After waiting for the thorough seminalysis of DH, our infertility doctor ruled out that it is better for us to go through Invitro Fertilization (IVF) rather than the Artificial Insemination (IUI) because of DHs counts where it is only 2.8 Million because of oligospermia. He said that he will do an Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI) for DH as part of our IVF cycle. Below is DHs Sperm Analysis Result:

ICSI is a new procedure and the most successful form of treatment for men who are infertile. ICSI only requires one sperm, which is injected directly into the egg. In IVF only, sperm and egg cells are retrieve and are allowed to meet in a tiny disc. Sometimes the process here is not successful. Unlike in IVF with ICSI whereby Conceptia will do the retrieval of our respective egg and sperm cells and, in a laboratory technique, Conceptia will insert DHs single sperm/spermatozoon (with a normal appearance and motility) directly on every mature collected eggs/oocytes in order to facilitate their fertilization and to create an embryo. The fertilized egg (embryo) will then be transferred on my uterus.  Why will they do this? From what I understand, DH has a low sperm concentration and adding to that he has also low motility as you can see unto my DH sperm analysis result where the total motile sperm on motility A is zero. The cost of ICSI procedure is at CAD1,575.00.

Our infertility doctor also requires DH to have a sperm freezing anytime just to be sure that on the day of retrieval of my egg cells they will have a back up sperm ready in case the retrieve sperm cells are not good for ICSI procedure. The cost of sperm freezing is at CAD420.00 which is good for 1 year of storage.

According to our infertility doctor, and since I am already done with my 3 blood works on days 3, 8 and 21 (aside from the 3 -days consecutive blood works that I did because of prolactin but were ruled out okay), we will wait for my day 1 to do a MOCK (or trial) embryo transfer. They will do this test to make sure they can get the catheter containing the embryo(s) to the right spot in my uterus. Our infertility doctor will use a speculum and an empty catheter on a day when there is no pressure. The cost of the Mock Embryo Transfer is CAD200.00. Below are the 3 steps we did for our pre IVF cycle. 

We wanted to do the IVF in December this year but due to work related inconveniences plus the fact that it is winter season on that month, we decided to move the procedure early next year but still let's see as we go on. I believe I will also start taking contraceptive pill on Day 1 of my next period for 21 days. They require this on IVF. Some clinics require their patients to do this for 6 months. So after these 21 days, I honestly am still lost on what they will do next since we do not have yet exact month to the IVF so let's just wait and see on my day 1. However, below is the chart that Conceptia clinic plans to do for me and my husband. Our IVF long protocol calendar (with Suprefact):

I will also have maximum dosage of infertility medicines. I will meet again with my pregnyl and puregon shots. Those medicines are not in tablet form but all needle works again and the only difference now is that I need to learn how to do it on my own. Yeah, right. I already have almost 20 needle work ups since last year and there will be more coming. Bring it on. I am ready to endure them all.

Our IVF with ICSI will cost us for the following procedures below:

a. Sperm Freezing - CAD420.00

b. Mock Transfer - CAD200.00

c. ICSI - CAD1,575.00

d. IVF - CAD6,100.00

TOTAL - CAD8,295.00

Infertility medicines are not included in the total cost above. We do not have problem with the medicines because our Manulife will cover 80% of it. It is only on the procedure that we need to do cash outs before we can ask for reimbursement with the New Brunswick Government up to the maximum amount of CAD5,000.00. Below is the form that we will use for our application for assistance once our IVF is all done: 

We have yet to call Manulife on their procedure on how to do reimbursements because Conceptia clinic do not use medical insurances and it is the patient's obligation to ask for reimbursement on their respective medical insurances. We have a maximum allowable benefit of CAD6,000.00 each on infertility medicines and procedures. So these too will help on our financial liability doing this IVF with ICSI.

This is our make or break part, especially that it is our first time to do the IVF but we also believe that our Father God is with us on this journey and we know He will provide. He already started doing miracle works by allowing us to transfer from overnight shift to PM shift in our workplace. For this, we are truly grateful. And we know, He will come again for us during those months that we will do the procedure. In His most precious perfect time, we claim that He will grant us the desire of our hearts. Our Father God did not allow us to come here to Canada for nothing but to become parents to our little R. Amen.

The Tests and Results

Hello TTC blog. I am so busy de-stressing that I intentionally rested from blogging, LOL.

Anyway, I have had my ultrasounds last 24 March 2017 and it is only now that I am blogging it, LOL. It was a transabdominal and transvaginal pelvic ultrasounds. They did a transvaginal ultrasound (TVU) on me because my uterus is tilted. I was no longer surprise about it because I have always had a retroverted uterus tests back home. Thus, the medical doctor who did my ultrasound did the TVU instead of checking only via abdominally.

I still have the same tests as back home so I have nothing to worry about. Below is the result of my ultrasounds:

Now, with regards to my hubby, we already also got the result of his surgery but, sadly, failed to ask for a copy of his result. Anyway, DH's test is not as good as all my tests. His urologist expected a surge on his count by more than 20million or over 200million. This is supposed to be the normal semen count but according to DH's urologist, DH only had more or less 10million. At the look of my husband, I felt he was really saddened by the news while me on the other side felt relieved.

The urologist continues to explain that he already did the surgery but that is the only count DH's can produce. I was looking at my husband and he was not really talking and so I did the talking. I asked again the urologist of the count and he still said more or less 10million. I heard it really right. I told the urologist that DHs count never went up high to 10million. I told him it often times will not go over a million and that I am happy that after the surgery DHs count went to more or less 10million. Then I talked to my poor DH who was really unhappy sitting near me that he should not be sad because his count improved after the surgery. Both of us know of what his counts are back in the Philippines and that we should be thankful that at least it went up to over 1million, more than 5million and more or less 10million because we never had that count back home.

I can see through his eyes and I really can feel the sadness but I think what I told him made sense and lightens up his face. Then we both agreed to accept what God has only given us. It is not too big and normal as any men can have but we can both hold on to his soldiers. Anyway, we only need one brave and strong soldier to reach and fertilize my egg cells. We can both deal with it and be happy that DH count improved.

So, after DH surgery result, I waited for my cycle to start so I can go ahead and begin my letrozole medications.

After a roller coaster menstrual cycle, I started taking letrozole on 30 May 2017. That is Day 3 of my cycle until Day 7. Then on Days 21, 24 and 27, I have to go to the hospital for blood work up. This is how they check my progesterone level here. I need to do needles. In fact, Day 27 is my 9th blood extraction via needle here in Canada. I am really afraid of needles but I come to get use to it just for having a little one.

Then just this afternoon, my OB called and told me that I am ovulating really good. I told her I only have a 29 days cycle last month compared to all my cycles which ranges from 35 to 60 days. Imagine that. We were both really happy of how letrozole works on me. She, however, told me that we still need to go to Conceptia Clinic in Moncton to do artificial insemination or the in vitro fertilization because she is not an expert to it. She told me that she already made a referral for us since February this year and all we have to do now is call Conceptia Clinic to which I did.

My DH and I is set to meet our infertility doctor on the 9th of August 2017. I cried after talking to the staff of Conceptia Clinic. In my heart I am just too close to my little R but so far that I cannot even reach him/her. I feel so afraid but I can only offer my faith to our Lord Jesus Christ that someday, somehow, He will grant us our innermost desire of having our little R. Sometimes, patience and emotions drains us that it eats our soul but the only thing that is keeping us from moving forward is our desire of becoming a father and mother and parents to our little R. 

In God's most precious perfect time, we continue to wait for little R. I know that beyond our fear and emotionally draining infertility ordeal, Father God will never abandon us. He did not let us cross the Atlantic Ocean for nothing. We know and we believe and so we continue to hold on to our faith.

My Hysterosalpingography

Today, on my CD10, I did my second test of my uterus and fallopian tubes. I do not know the difference but, back home, my OB did a saline Hysterogram while in here my OB did a Hysterosalpingography (HSG) with fluoroscopy.

Before the procedure, I was brought to the blood test lab to do a Beta HCG test. They just want to make sure that I am not pregnant before they do my HSG. This is my 6th needle test here in Fredericton and more to come when I start my letrozole drug.

Anyway, my second HSG procedure was totally painless. I realize just now that I have not taken any medicine before the procedure, like advil, to help ease any pain during the procedure. I just went to the hospital with an empty stomach and feeling nervous because it is my first time to do a procedure without my husband accompanying me plus the fact that I know that the HSG will bring me so much cramping pain but for little R I will and can do this.

At the radiology department, there is only 1 medical staff, my OB and another doctor who is in charge with the images inside my uterus. I love this. Back home, I was surrounded by so many medical staffs which I really hate the most but have no choice at all. Thus, I was so happy knowing that my OB was there in front of me while her staff is on my side cheering me up.

Going back to the HSG procedure, my OB, after inserting what is needed to be use on mine, she tested a little of the dye on me. At first, I thought, it is not painful yet coz she push a little of the dye. I felt a little cramping, though, and she said the dye is now in my uterus. She thought I was feeling too much pain and her staff says, "I think she feels good because her face did not change", LOL. I like her staff, she is helping me divert the pain in to laughs and she achieved that.

After adjusting the images from our end to that of the doctor inside the imaging room, both doctors were conversing about my cervix and that my OB must push the thing inside me up or pull a little down. Unknowingly, my OB has already push half the dye on me. She ask the other doctor if she can pull back a little of the thing inside me and put the remaining dye on me again. I was not really listening to most of their conversations because I am concentrating on the pain that is coming. Then my OB says, "it's done, both your tubes are normal and open." Thus, to my surprise, I replied: "it's already finished?" She said, yes. I told my OB, I did not even feel any pain. Even she was surprised.

Now, I did not know about the cervix thing, LOL, but my OB and the other doctor says they have to check it on my scheduled ultrasound on Friday. What I only hear is that my cervix is small. I did not have the chance to ask question because her staff is busy on me asking me if I am nauseous or feeling pained but I feel nothing at all which made my day right, LOL. What I know is that my OB will also want me to have a transvaginal ultrasound instead of a pelvic ultrasound only. I am really lost with it but I will update my blog as soon as I have the results.

What I know is that, now, we are ready to go to Moncton soon to do the artificial insemination. Below are the written report of my HSG:

Thank you Father God for being their for me during the procedure. I was really scared about the HSG because I know the pain it has cause me the first time. Also, for giving me a patent fallopian tubes.

OBs WorkUp Plan

I was scheduled for check up with my OB last 2 February 2017.

According to her, my thyroid has improved but I have yet to continue taking on my Levothyroxine to help my thyroid hormones. And since my androgen level is still high (what else is new) as always, I am back to taking metformin. I really hate metformin not because it makes me dizzy, vomit or makes me visit to the washroom ( I actually like this part because I'm constipated) but because it makes my stomach feel the acidic like pain again. I have a phobia of it because of my gastroenteritis way back 2010 and I really struggle taking up this metformin. I have to take 500mg of it 3 times a day. Often times when I feel the pain, tendency is, I stop eating or I puke. No wonder, I lost weight just a week of taking the medicine. Oh, that's part of TTC and it is really hard. So, hello again metformin world.

My OB does not want me to take clomid anymore because we failed to conceive with it despite taking it for years. Thus, she wanted me to try letrozole or, according to google, femara (in the Philippines). I heard this femara thing back in my country so I was really wondering, are clomid and letrozole (or femara) not the same? Well, according to my research, they both aid in ovulation problem and helps women with PCOS but as my OB said if I fail to conceive with clomid then we better try a new fertility drug. And also, I found this image in google, so I am at peace now and okay for me to try letrozole.

I am to take letrozole in April after DHs scheduled semen analysis. My OB says it is better to wait for the new result of DHs sperm count before I take the medicine.

In the meantime, I have to repeat my hysterogram procedure. Oh sad and ouch, amp. I tried to tell OB that both my tubes are patent and I have also a DVD of the procedure for her to see but she said I have to redo it in preparation for our artificial insemination (IUI). Okay, for my little R, I will do it again. She even suggested if I want to do the laparascopy procedure just to check the inside of my abdominal and pelvic organs. I ask her if it is with anesthesia and she said with general anesthesia so I declined. I already have 6 surgeries which entails general anesthesia and the last thing I wanted to have is another of it to which she agreed.

We are really happy with all that is happening. I also did my first ever pap smear with my OB. I really thought it was painful because that is what I have heard so I am really hesitant to do it. When my OB did the procedure, I did not even notice it was all done. My OB is not a specialist in infertility but I like that she is very caring and sensitive with what we feel. For us, that is one of the most important thing when a couple do workup, an OBs TLC.

So, my OBs plan is to have my hysterogram. I need to call her on my first day of my period followed by a series of blood tests to check my progesterone level on days 21, 24 and 27 of my cycle. (Oh, so many needles) Afterwhich, I will start my letrozole in April and we will try 3 rounds of IUI. If and when IUI fails, then we have no other recourse but to try invitro fertilization (IVF). My OB will not perform the IUI and IVF procedures but she will refer us to a specialist in Moncton, New Brunswick (an almost 2 hours drive from Fredericton). New Brunswick has a clinic in Moncton specializing with infertility problems. The clinic's name is CONCEPTIA. Below is the schedule of fees which I downloaded in Conceptia's website in preparation with our TTC journey.

Back home, we were eyeing to fly to Taiwan just to have an IVF but we're so happy it is a drive-away now from our place to Conceptia. This time, we'll do it right, we'll stay in a hotel 2-3 days overnight, LOL. OB says we can ask help with New Brunswick Government for our IVF. I actually read that before we came here. The Government offers a one-time financial help for couples like us who is undergoing infertility problems as stated in New Brunswick's website HERE and I quote:

The fund will provide a one‑time grant to help alleviate the financial costs associated with infertility treatment. The fund allows individuals to claim up to 50 per cent of eligible incurred costs of in vitro fertilization or intrauterine insemination procedures as well as related pharmaceutical products, up to a maximum of $5,000.

In order to qualify for the grant, a person must be:

• a full‑time resident of New Brunswick with a valid Medicare card; and
• have been diagnosed by a physician with fertility problems and have received infertility treatment after April 1, 2014.

Our New Brunswick healthcard will cover most of our infertility procedures while preparing ourselves with the IUI and/or IVF. Also, our Manulife medicare with our employer (both DH and I are employed with UPS Fredericton) will help us alleviate the cost of our procedures and fertility drugs. We add up a little cost in our medicare to take the maximum limit of our medicare to cover our infertility treatments.

All of these were all planned before and after we landed here in New Brunswick. DH and I sees to it that financial burden will no longer be in the picture while we do our workup again. To all these that are happening, we will forever be thankful to our second home country and most especially to our dear Father God for all His guidance and help with our TTC journey. We knew in our hearts that anytime soon, God will bless us with the desire of our hearts, our little R. A little more little R, a little more.

Laparascopic Varicocelectomy

The most common cause of male infertility is low sperm count. This maybe attributed by so many factor but with my DH's case it is because of his oligoasthenospermia brought about by his varicocele on his left testicle. Oligoasthenospermia according to my friend google is a condition whereby there is a reduced sperm motility (Asthenozoospermia) and low spermatozoon count (Oligozoospermia). 

Back in the Philippines, he underwent several testiscular ultrasound with doppler study to check on his varicocele. I remember his first ultrasound where it says he has bilateral varicocele. Imagine how devastated we are during that time, especially of course my DH. Starting our TTC journey with no knowledge whatsoever with infertility adds up to so many questions of why and how all mixed up in our minds causing us to be emotionally and mentally drained, not to mention financially drain. Oh, I still feel all the emotional pain we went through but at least I can say now that "I remember those times" and that is already part of our past.

The first time he met his first urologist in 2009, he was advised to get rid of his varicocele to give more chances for us to conceive. His count at that time is over a million but not over 5 million. There was even a time/s it went down the million count. From what I understand, he has to have over 10 million sperm count or more to have a good number. Thus, we went on a second opinion, and the ultrasound came out the same way as the first only that the left testis has varicocele. We were then again advised to go on varicocelectomy to open the blockage on his testicle. At least 3-4 urologist told us to consider said procedure.

The procedure back then is an open surgery and it will cost us Php100,000.00, more or less. We do not have a problem with the cost, we know can do something to get through it. We can always borrow the money or we know our parents will help us but the problem is, all of the urologists told us that there is no 100% assurance that DH count and motility will improve and worst, it can even re-occur. Thus, we decided not to go through with it. We stand by our faith that God will provide no matter how difficult it is to accept our fate with this infertility issues that we have.

Then came this greatest twist in our lives when we landed in the first world country where healthcard is so overwhelming unlimited. On my previous post, I have indicated there that my husband will finally have his varicocelectomy and he did. He underwent laparascopic varicocelectomy last 17 January 2017. So, what is laparoscopic varicocelectomy? Below is the explanation where I get from this Link, and I quote:

"Laparoscopic varicocelectomy is one of three main treatment options for varicoceles. The other two options are varicocele embolization (non-invasive) and traditional varicocelectomy (open surgery). Laparoscopic varicocele surgery is very similar to open surgery but is less invasive. It is a relatively new procedure often used as an alternative to testicular varicocele surgery with varicolectomy. Men with varicoceles associated with significant pain or those who have fertility problems often seek treatment.

A varicocele is a varicose vein in the scrotum. It occurs when the one-way valves, which are designed to allow vein flow from the scrotum and testicles to go back to the heart, do not work properly. If these valves fail to work properly, the blood pools inside the vessels, causing enlargement of the veins. Varicocele symptoms include swelling, pain, and infertility. A varicocele causes lower sperm count and poorer quality sperm and thus may cause infertility. Damage from a varicocele can also make the testicles soften and shrink. If a varicocele is causing neither pain nor infertility, then medical treatment is not always necessary. In fact, the majority of varicocele cases results in little to no symptoms at all.

Laparoscopic varicocelectomy is performed by surgeons who specialize in urologic surgery. The patient is put under general anesthesia while three surgical cuts, each approximately 5 millimeters in length, are made in the patient’s abdomen. Using tools inserted though these small incisions, including a tool to magnify the area, the surgeon can sever the enlarged veins from the healthy ones. Then veins that direct blood into an already enlarged varicocele can be tied off so that the varicocele will eventually disappear.

During a traditional varicocelectomy, one long incision is made near the top of the penis. Advantages of laparoscopy over this type of open surgery include a lower risk of damage to vital testicular arteries and reduced post-operative pain. A laparoscopic varicocelectomy procedure takes no longer than 45 minutes. Patients typically need to stay home for up to three days after the procedure in order to recover. They may experience bruising and pain where incisions were made. However, complications from laparoscopic varicocelectomy are rare. Patients usually see improvements in sperm count, sperm quality, and overall fertility within 3 months of undergoing testicular varicocele surgery. x x x"

I have not got the chance to witness the procedure but based on my DH's cuts and from what google shows below is how it looks like:

Yep, DH has 3 small cuts on his abdomen. It was not sewed like a regular surgery but there is this tape like thing on it making the cut meet into the center. It has to stay there for days until the cut closes. Thus, basing on the picture above and DH's cuts, I'm guessing that below is most likely how the procedure went:

The surgery, as per DH's urologist is a 10-15 minutes procedure and it is an out-patient one. The only thing why it took us hours in the hospital is because he underwent a general anesthesia thereby having more hours for DH to recover. On the "laser surgery" thing. I honestly do not know how they put the laser repair on it via the laparascopic varicocelectomy. Below is DH on his private bed after he went out from the recovery room. The procedure was his first. First on dextrose, anesthesia, surgery and lying there in the hospital bed all for his sole dream of becoming father to our little R. So sweet and I am so proud of him. He sometimes openly talks his own infertility problem with some of our friends. Other men don't do it because of pride but my DH fully accepts his flaws and tries everything he can to overcome infertility through God's grace.

In my entire waiting of DH's surgery, I was teary eyed, especially when I saw him coming from the surgery wing where I was not allowed to go there and was told to wait at the waiting area. I was even thinking what if they will not bring back my DH to me, LOL, perks of watching horror and thriller movies. But then again, there he is. Groggy but conscious and his varicocele already repaired and gearing up to recovery. Thinking of it makes me really happy and every time I utter the word "thank you Lord", I am really in tears. I cannot hide the happiness. If only you know where all my tears of joy is coming then you'll know why I am so very emotional with all the blessings my DH and I are receiving from up above.

Adding to the happiness is that the procedure he underwent through is all covered by our NB healthcard. My DH and I literally went inside the hospital, showed his healthcard, had the general anesthesia and surgery, stayed there for half a day and went out with no fees at all. Only a taxi fare going home. It was then I realized that we are indeed in the maple leaf country because honestly until now I can still not believe that we are in Canada. Our decision to come here is the best that we can offer to our little R. We may have leaved our loved ones back home, where they all understand why, but it is for the best for the two of us just thinking that we are no farther from becoming parents in God's most precious perfect time. 

Dear Father God, thank you can never be enough for everything that has been going through with our infertility ordeal, for all Your guidance and help. We are forever grateful. I remember those days when we almost gave up but through it all You never let go of our hands. You've always been there for us. You've seen us at our lowest point, our pains, our agonies, all our cries and the little joys we had for little improvements in our TTC. Thank you dear Father God for always, always being there. Thy will be done Father according to Your will. We know and we believe that You put us here for a reason and that reason is our little R.

Officially on Workup

Hello TTC World.

It has been a very long time since I posted in here. We made it here in the maple leaf country. The reason for moving here is discussed on my last post and I am happy to share that we finally landed here in Fredericton, New Brunswick (a maritime province of Canada) on 3 May 2016 after less than a year of waiting for our application for permanent residency to be approved.

I waited for everything to be in order before finally deciding to blog again. Why? Because in here, we cannot just go in an OBs clinic and tell the doctor we are infertile and we want to do workup. No. We need to have a family doctor first then said doctor will endorse us to a specialist, an OB and urologist for our case. We only found a family doctor on the 20th of September 2016 after more than 4 months of landing.

I bought with me all our lab tests, results, etc. of our workups from the Philippines but our family doctor wanted to check on us their way. She does not like to refer us instantly to a specialist because she wanted to check on us first before ruling out that we are an infertile couple. We are really back to zero in all our infertility workups. Read on my other blog post regarding our Meeting The Family Doctor.

During that time when we meet our family doctor, I am already a month delayed. At first, I ignored it because I know I have PCOS so sometimes, but not often because I regularly do my exercise (my medicine for PCOS), I have irregularities on my cycle but last year was a different story. However, I did a blood test to check if I am pregnant and it comes out negative. Oh well, the usual negative sign.

We did a blood lab tests on my part plus the Beta HCG and sperm analysis for my husband and the results are posted below. What I like in here is that all the tests that we did are all free and covered by New Brunswick healthcard. What I don't like is the additional waiting game for the doctor/s. We already received our tests but no one can explain us what the results says. Adding to the dilemma is that the family doctor went on vacation and I was scheduled to meet her again only on the 29th of October 2016. See, a very big difference from the day we first met. At that time, I am already on panic and paranoia mode because AF is nowhere to be found. It was the longest time AF did not visit me and adding to the emotions I am feeling that time were the twinges and unusual physical activities within me. Of course, we were also so excited about it. Who does not want to get pregnant naturally and unexpectedly? So, I was growing impatient about it and was calling our family doctor's secretary to ask what we should do next. What she did is to just schedule me on the 29th of October, amp.

Then came the next check up. You know what our family doctor just told us after waiting for more than a month, "I will refer you both now to a specialist but you will have to wait for them to call you." We are in queue once again for our respective specialists, amp. I told our doctor that I am already delayed and I wanted to at least have an ultrasound. Why ultrasound? Because I tested my urine test and it also comes negative and I have read through google that some women can be pregnant even if they tested negative on their blood and urine tests through ultrasound result. Sad thing is that our family doctor rejected my request. She told me she is not a specialist and she cannot do ultrasound. Oh my goodness, she can do pap smear and I have read that she do also labor thing but she cannot do ultrasound or at least request it for me, amp. The feeling of anxiety during that time is at its highest level. I just literally cried at the clinic and can't do anything. I am really a cry baby especially when it comes to TTC, I don't know but the tears just rolled on my cheeks. But that helps because I win the heart of our family doctor. She even hug and comforted me and told me, she'll personally ask the OB to see on my papers. The family doctor just instructed me to do a Beta HCG once again but then again it comes out negative and I am down to 3 months without a no show AF. 

Afterward, I received a letter from the hospital with an instruction from my OB on the 23rd of November 2016. At first I was really so happy because I finally have an OB but still I cannot face her yet. She instructed me to do another blood test on the 5th of December 2016. I am now delayed for 4 months. During those times, I am so bloated and gained so much weight. I just really cannot help myself so I really feel so down. I even stop believing I am pregnant and I just wanted for AF to come because it makes me paranoid when it is not showing up. I even thought maybe I am now on menopause at a very young age. I am so sad really on the waiting game. I just cry to God all night begging for AF to come. Huh, TTC is really a pain in the heart. It will eat you emotionally.

So, I did the needle work again for the 4th time here in Fredericton but I have not met yet my OB face to face. In the Philippines, I can always schedule and visit my OB RE anytime I want. In here, amp. Anyway, my OB is not an infertility specialist based on my research. The specialists are in Moncton, New Brunswick (worst case scenario, we will do IVF here). A 3-4 hours drive from where we live. Then again, I am thankful I still have an OB. I waited for 8 years and there is no way infertility will come depressing me again and again and again. Never again. I need to pick up the pieces of me and see on the bright side. I do not want my infertility to eat me again. Then the answered prayer came. I finally had a talked with my OB over the phone on the 13th of December 2016. She told me the results of my blood lab tests. I actually have a thyroid hormonal imbalance. What??? As in what??? Yes, because in the Philippines it was ruled out that I have no problem with my thyroid. I actually told all my OBs that my parents thought I have a goiter when I was younger. I have read that having one will add up to infertility so I asked all my OBs to check on it. I even had a doppler ultrasound on my thyroid and they all rule out that my thyroid is okay. Oh well, another case to me being infertile. Thus, my OB told me to pick up my medicine prescribed to me on a drug mart of my choice then after 6 weeks I will do my lab tests again. How cute my medicine is. This is refillable 3 times only and it has 90 tablets on it.

I finally can breathe now. I know now I am not pregnant although AF is still a no show but at least I know I am safe, my little R is safe. I can now also do my exercises. I quit doing it for fear that I am pregnant and will have miscarriage, but now, I can now help myself, my PCOS, by doing exercises again. I feel so bloated. I gained so much weight from 55 kgs. to 62 kgs. I feel so ... ah, I just do not want TTC to overpower me again physically, mentally and most of all emotionally. I just wanted to see the bright side of us moving here, doing our TTC once again less the financial burden of being infertile. Why? Because with all the tests that we all have for the past months, all of which are free and covered by our NB healthcard. Also, the infertility drug that I am taking now, 80% of which is covered by our medical card from our company where my husband and I are both working. 

Financially, we are now okay because of Canada's health insurances and this is the reason why we migrated after all. The help we can get from the government is just overwhelming. Like in the case of my husband, who already meet his urologist back in November 2016. He was in fact scheduled for a surgery on his varicocele supposedly after Christmas but failed to go for another lab test so the surgery were moved this year. He is now scheduled for surgery tomorrow, 17 January 2017.

Just a backgrounder, my husband have a varicocele which is causing his infertility. Back in the Philippines, we were quoted by 2 urologist of Php100,000.00 for his varicocelectomy. The procedure is an open surgery and there is no assurance of the cure of his varicocele so he needs to be admitted in the hospital. We decided not to go with it because first it is very expensive for us and the assurance is not promising. The great news is that my husband can now do the surgery because the procedure is free and is all covered by his NB healthcard. It is not an open surgery but the urologist will use a laser procedure for the repair of his varicocele through his stomach. It is a 20-30 minutes procedure and he was advised to go home after the surgery. He can actually work after because his work here is very light and he is only sitting but we decided that he go on leave after his varicocelectomy so he can rest well. I am not yet aware of the procedure but I'll keep you posted about.

We actually have so many schedules this year for our workups. Tomorrow is the big day for my husband. We are really excited about it and at the same time very positive that everything will fall into places. We are also scheduled for our respective blood lab tests on 24 January for him and 25 January for me. I also received a call from my OBs clinic that I am finally meeting her in her clinic on the 2nd of February and I am scheduled for a pelvic ultrasound on the 24th of March. Oh, and I forgot to tell that AF finally came last 3 January 2017 after being on hiatus for 150 days. I am so happy it finally showed up.  

See, that is the bright side of our infertility journey. Everything is going smoothly now. We cannot really thank Father God enough for everything He is blessing us right now. God is really so good. He will really make a way just like when He put us here in the maple leaf country. I am in tears once again while writing this because after all the pain caused about by infertility, God never abandoned us. He was always there for us despite the agony, tears and pain. The waiting is really a pain in the heart but for as long as we keep on believing and we keep our faith, we know that in God's most precious perfect time, all of these pain will go away when our little R comes.  A little more our little R. A little more.